I don't love you (but my heart does)
by Helen Delia
Summary: Two mortals enemies. One broken by war, the other swallowed by regrets. Both of them unable to move on from their painful past. One fateful encounter... Secrets... Unadmitted love... Will these two restless souls be able to find peace and the affection they so desperately crave for?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Red vs Blue is the property and creation of Rooster Teeth, while Halo games are the property and creation of Bungie, 343 Industries, Ensemble Studios and Creative Assembly. I own none of the characters and places mentioned in this story.**

* * *

 **Special thanks to my beta-readers Prim_the_Amazing (from AO3), Escalated Omega from FF and** **darwinsdonut (from AO3)** **for beta-reading this chapter for me.**

 **Update 02.05.2019:**

 **AgentMaryland93 (from FF) helped me improve this chapter, so re-corrections are in order for this chapter.**

* * *

The Vegas Quadrant; known as the city of life, ever bustling with activity from the brightly lit casino's lining the streets to even the pitch black back alleys where the worst of the worst dealt in black market trades. Some would call it a lawless land, others would call it a place of opportunity. It depended on which side of the coin you were on.

Like any big city, it had its richest and its poorest sections. And on this raining night on the broken end of the city, an armored figure trudged its way up some stairs from the fire exit to an apartment, entering through the window. Floor boards creaking under the weight of its suit as droplets of rain cascaded down its form, soaking the ground as they moved for the wooden door cracked and chipped from decades of abuse.

Carefully pulling the door closed behind, the figure moved to the bathroom as it removed parts of its armor. Discarding each piece as the figure made its way to the dingy and disgusting washroom it had long since given up trying to clean, the figure leaned on the sink, deciding if it was worth trying to splash itself with some water to stay awake long enough to get something to eat. Looking into the mostly cracked and broken mirror, all she saw was a tired face looking back at her. Dark circles around her eyes standing out on her deathly pale white skin: a testament to just how worn out she was from all the fighting.

She remembered a time when she ran free in the backyard of her home, skin slightly reddened from the sun constantly beating down on her. Better days she wished - no, she _longed_ for. She'd give anything to go back to days where she actually felt happy. When she felt loved. When she had a loving family.

Those days were gone.

The worst of it was when she swore she could still hear Epsilon's narcissistic and condescending tone nagging her in the back of her head. Lack of sleep made it no better in times like this.

Splashing her face with water, though it smelled awful, she tried to force the sleep away. She was starving and in desperate need for food soon. The money she earned while working as a soldier in the UNSC, after the fall of the project Freelancer wasn't enough to allow her to buy a nice looking apartment in the rich side of the city. Instead all that she had was a small, modest and rusted apartment.

Looking back at the mirror, she blinked as she saw the familiar form of Epsilon standing on her shoulder in the mirror.

 _"That's it? You're seriously going to just give up like that? '', he shook his head as he threw his sniper in the air, which exploded into fractals of light and data before it was gone and he crossed his arms disapprovingly, ''The great and powerful 'Agent Carolina', reduced to such a pitiful state...get it, because you're named after a... nevermind ... '', he sighed, ''C'mon Carolina, PICK YOURSELF UP. What would Wash say? ...or York?''._

She ran her hands over her face as she let out a tired sigh, the form of Epsilon vanishing just like every other hallucination she had. She didn't know if it should scare or impress her that her own hallucinations seem to be trying to pick her up off the ground. But he was right...Washington...hell, even York...they'd all be disappointed in her right now. She was their number one for so long...she lead their team on every mission and she rarely failed. What would they think of her now? What would they think if they saw their leader in such a deplorable condition?

She felt more tired and alone than she had ever felt in her life.

When she was growing up, she lost her mother. Eventually, her father took control of a secret project that later became known as _Project Freelancer_. It was a test run by UNSC to attempt making Spartans out of normal Marines cheaply.

To say she made friends while in the project would be a lie. She was cold and cruel to just about everyone except those at the top of the list of which she would trade banter with to test them. She was often the one who went out to find their new recruits whenever potential soldiers were found.

That was how she met Agent New York.

He was a man down on his luck. A bunch of friends of his dragged him out to a sleazy place on a planet called Reach. Some club called Errera: half naked women parading around the place, picking up tips and _customers_ while others simply lost themselves in the crowd. She remembered it clearly. The scent of cigar smoke clung to him from all of the heavy smokers surrounding him. His sandy brown hair done up messily like he didn't quite care of what others thought about him. He simply sat there flipping a lighter open and closed. He wasn't a smoker, perhaps it had been given to him as a gift or maybe he just found it. He might have even stolen it off of one of the many smokers still hanging too close to him.

She walked up to him dressed to blend in; knee length cyan blue skirt, a white sleeveless shirt that hugged her form, black high heel boots with cyan heels. Her hair was done up in a ponytail and her face had a moderate amount of make up on from her eye liner to her blush. It wasn't her style, but recruiting missions required a delicacy to them. No one was to know about Project Freelancer unless they were enemies or they were the soldiers of the project.

She smiled slightly as she remembered the first thing he said once he'd noticed her, " _hey there gorgeous, would you hate me if I admitted you looked absolutely stunning?_ ",stupid York and his cheesy lines. She remembered threatening to punch him in the face for that stunt. Though she can't remember if she ever did or not.

She frowned as she remembered Maine costing him his eye...if it wasn't for Texas he would have-...it didn't matter, in the end, Project Freelancer took his life. One way or the other.

She left the bathroom and sat down on the bed she had surprisingly managed to remember to make before she left. Her hand smoothing over the sheets that were desperately in need of being washed. Her eyes landing on a tablet on the dresser, she didn't even need to get up to know what it was. She could read the words _Late Bills Payment_ on the bright holoscreen from where she sat.

She had taken her life for granted and lost everything...most everything she cared about. At this moment, no one could possibly understand her pain. Could anyone ever understand the grief of losing everything they had and cared about because of their own reckless abandon? Or wanting to run away and leave all the fighting behind?

Probably not.

Of course, she could never be aware of the fact someone else just as broken, just as lonely, and just as lost as her sat on the other side of the city. A meeting between these two would probably change both their lives. It only remained to be seen if destiny held such a fate for them.


	2. A new friend

**Disclaimer: Red vs Blue is the property and creation of Rooster Teeth, while Halo games are the property and creation of Bungie, 343 Industries, Ensemble Studios and Creative Assembly. I own none of the characters and places mentioned in this story.**

* * *

 **Special thanks to my beta-readers Prim_the_Amazing (from AO3), Escalated Omega from FF and** **darwinsdonut (from AO3)** **for beta-reading this chapter for me.**

 **Update 02.05.2019:**

 **AgentMaryland93 (from FF) helped me improve this chapter, so re-corrections are in order for this chapter.**

* * *

The next morning, Carolina wakes up early. A lingering habit from her Freelancer days.

Then she prepares a mug of hot coffee and drinks it slowly. By the time she's done, the sun is up and the day can begin.

After drinking the coffee, Carolina looked through the kitchen for something to eat and came up empty handed.

"Damn it", Carolina muttered as she went through her credits stash she had been saving to keep herself situated. She had barely enough to cover both the bills for the apartment and some food.

She grabbed her credits and got dressed.

"Guess I'll have to worry about the bills later" , she muttered as she walked out and headed off to deal with her every day activities as a civilian.

* * *

She starts with the grocery store, seeing as she was starving and in need of food and, despite the heavy bags, decides to take the long route home, knowing full well that no one would be waiting for her back home.

As she walked around without a certain destination in mind, she hears a commotion in a dark alley to her right.

"Hey, give me back my purse! No, someone help me!".

That's all that Carolina needs to hear, as she makes a dash for the alley. She runs towards the voice and is welcomed by a surprising sight: a well-built woman fights off the thug that grabbed her purse while another thug waits with a knife for an opening to stab her. Carolina drops her groceries and springs into action.

She grabs the wrist of the second thug squeezing it until the thug is forced to drop the knife on the ground, then she finishes him off with a well placed fist to his chest, making him fall on his knees in pain.

Then Carolina grabbed a trash bin lid, swung it, hitting the first thug in the head with it, rendering him unconscious.

Lastly, Carolina's gaze falls on the young woman, assessing her body for any wounds, when suddenly the woman screams panicked: "Look out! Behind you!".

Carolina turns around too late, as the thug that fell to his knees earlier scratches her arm with his knife.

Unfortunately, for him, Carolina head butts him and the thug share his friend's fate.

The woman she had come to help grabbed her arm gently, looking the wound over, "You should get that bandaged up before infection sets in...who knows what has been on that blade...". Carolina waves her off.

"I'll be fine, really. It's just a graze. What about you? Are you alright?", Carolina asked trying to change the topic of her wellbeing.

The woman gave her a stern motherly look, not prepared to accept such an answer as she responded:

"Don't worry about me, young lady, I'm a tough one . Have to be, this it's a dangerous neighborhood".

Carolina gave the woman a look at being called a young lady but let it go when the woman saw the dropped food on the ground.

"You dropped these to help me?", the woman asked with an Incredulously tone.

Carolina could only nod, perplexed why this woman seemed so upset over her own decision to abandon her food to help someone.

Not a big conversationalist, Carolina moved to salvage what she could so she could just go home and deal with her bleeding arm and just eat. She was stopped by a gentle hand to her shoulder as she went to walk away. Turning to see what the woman wanted, she stopped before she could utter a word at the look she was being given. Instantly she thought back to her own mother when she was just a child.

"Megan Wu".

Carolina blinked in confusion.

"I'm sorry?", was all that Carolina could reply.

The woman smiled as she took some of the bags from Carolina, an act that only further confused the red head.

"My name, it's Megan Wu. Figured it was only right to introduce myself to my rescuer", the woman said with a motherly tone.

Carolina didn't know what to say or do. She'd saved plenty of people before, this wasn't new...but none of the people she'd saved ever really cared. Most just went on their way once out of harm.

"Look, seeing as you lost some of your food trying to help me, why don't you come with me, my husband and I would love to have you over. We could also tend to your wound while we're at it".

She didn't know what to say. This was the first time anyone was ever kind to her. At least, as far as it went for strangers. She didn't know how to turn her offer down without seeming ungrateful for the offer. The thought of returning to that dreary, empty, depressing hole she called home for now...didn't seem as appealing as going home with this woman who radiated warmth and love...

"Well? What do you say, dear?", Megan asked as she waited expectantly for an answer from the other who shifted on her feet as she contemplated her options.

"I...will...accept your offer, that is. Thank you."

The woman nodded and guided her towards her car.

"This way, miss…?", Megan added as she pointed towards her car.

"Carol…you can call me Carol", Carolina said as she got into the car.

As Megan got in the car and just sat there before turning to face Carolina, a knowing look on her face. "Carol, do you believe in destiny?"

"What an odd question...", Carolina thought before nodding: "I suppose so, why?"

Megan shrugged, a smile on her face: "Just wondering. When I look at you, I have a good feeling. Like something life changing is about to happen. It's quite exciting!"

Carolina shook her head, the idea seemed ridiculous. Things like that only happened to people about to fall in love or lucky enough to win a lot of money. From her experience, she was neither looking for a relationship nor was she lucky.


	3. Red meet steel

**Disclaimer: Red vs Blue is the property and creation of Rooster Teeth, while Halo games are the property and creation of Bungie, 343 Industries, Ensemble Studios and Creative Assembly. I own none of the characters and places mentioned in this story.**

* * *

 **Special thanks to my new beta-readers** **Liara_90** **(from AO3) and AgentMaryland93 from FF** **for beta-reading this chapter for me.**

* * *

As the sun was rising, its rays falling on every single house on Earth, a red haired woman was laying in a bed, watching the ceiling, wondering what she had agreed to in the first place.

Flashbacks:

 _After Carolina and Megan got to the latter's house, Carolina had been invited to wait in the living room while she prepared dinner. That was fine with Carolina. She didn't know to cook something very complicated anyway. But soon she regretted her decision to wait in the living room._

 _As she was looking throughout the room, studying it, in case of danger (another lingering habit from her Freelancer days), she heard loud footsteps running down the stairs directly into the living room. Carolina prepared to attack whoever was coming only to notice, to her astonishment, that the "supposed attackers" were two young children._

 _Then the kids did something she was not expecting: they hid behind Carolina as if using her as a hiding spot._

 _It wasn't too long after that a man entered the living room and Carolina's soldier senses kicked in. Arms raised to strike and left foot placed slightly forward she got into red alert mode because of the man's appearance: he had a black shirt, his physique was very muscular and he had a robotic leg; this fact was screaming danger in Carolina's eyes._

 _The young man saw Carolina tense and in attack position and he raised his hands up above his head, to placate her._

 _"You must be Carol, the one which helped Megan in the alley. My name is Mason, I'm Megan's husband. I didn't mean to startle you, I only mean to take the children upstairs to get them ready for dinner", Mason said with uneasiness in his voice._

 _After the young man finished speaking, Carolina relaxed her stance and pushed gently, from behind her, the two children towards their father._

 _As soon as Mason left the living room, together with his two children, Carolina began to walk through the living room, paying attention to the family's pictures. While looking at the pictures, she felt a pang of pain in her heart. She stopped having a real family, the moment her mother died in the Great War. After her death, her father became a depressed - no an obsessed man: focusing only on his studies for his doctorate, barely giving any attention to her. She took the only road she thought able; she became a Freelancer, trying to gain her father's acknowledgment, only for things to go straight to hell..._

 _Shaking her head, she stopped her "dwelling on the past" thoughts (since it won't do her any good to hang onto the past) and sat on the sofa, waiting patiently._

* * *

T _he dinner was quite peaceful and rather quiet, with Megan asking now and then, things about Carolina. She was more than hesitant to answer Megan's questions, seeing as much of her past was classified outside of the program._

 _After the dinner ended, as Carolina was bidding her goodbyes to the young family, the rain started._

 _Carolina realized that now she will have to walk through the cold rain to get to her apartment, since it was on the other side of the city. A good deed returned in kindness with a cold welcome to the night._

 _As Carolina thought about a way to get to her apartment without getting wet, Megan came up with the following invitation for Carolina: to stay over the night at their house._

 _She had initially refused the invitation; she couldn't bare to burden this family with her problems any longer. They had done more than enough inviting her into their home for a hot meal. But after Megan brought up the rain and the fact that Carolina would spend the time alone in her apartment, Carolina ,reluctantly, accepted the invitation._

End of flashbacks

And so that is how she found herself laying in a bed in one of the guest rooms of the Wu's family house. It wasn't anything fancy, something she dearly appreciated. Simply decorated with paintings with blue roses: it gave some color to the furniture placed around the room.

Carolina stayed a little longer in the bed, waiting for the family to wake up.

As soon she heard footsteps, she got up and headed out of the room: her first mission being to get a shower. The events of previous day had left her feeling rather uncomfortable in her own skin.

* * *

Locus was really pissed off. He didn't know how Felix managed to convince him, for the umpteenth time, to do this. Instead of staying on Chorus and to obliterate every single resident of that planet, they teleported back on Earth and they went to visit _their old friend_ , Mason and, according to Felix, to relax for a little while. Well, back in the day, Mason was their friend. Now they only checked on him to be sure that he kept their code names secret from anyone. And that was the thing Locus was most displeased with. He hadn't gone by his old name in a very long time. In fact, even when Mason had been cross with them, calling him by that name irked something within him.

As soon as they entered the house, Mason paled for a split second, then as soon as his wife, Megan, appeared, Mason became more relaxed, faking his actual emotional state.

While Felix began a little chit-chat with Mason and his wife, Locus excused himself and went upstairs to the guest toilet. As he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed a figure disappear, quite sneakily, at the end of the hall; he knew Mason had children, but the form he saw was much bigger than either one of his kids. To Locus, this was very suspicious. Was the mysterious person a thief? Did _he_ want to hurt the family?

He didn't like not knowing the answers to the questions laid out before him and was determined to find out the truth about this mysterious person. Slowly, he made his way to the end of the hall, walking slow and steady as he kept his back to the wall with one hand extended out in front of him in case he was attacked. His foot almost pressed down on a squeaky floor board but he pulled back just in time and stepped over it. Soon he saw the back of person again and when he was sure the mysterious person was vulnerable, the soldier from his made his move and he tackled the mysterious person to the ground.

* * *

As soon as Carolina got out from the shower, she dried her hair off with a hair dryer and dressed up with some training black long trousers and a matching training jacket borrowed from Megan the night before.

Her hair trailed down her back ,in a cascade, as she searched the bathroom for a hair tie to pull it back out of her face. Coming up empty handed, she decided to let it be; though as she left the bathroom, she heard unfamiliar voices. Being a guest herself, she wanted no part in interaction with people she did not know. She barely knew the Wu's, only being polite in conversation because of their generosity.

She only managed to take a few steps towards the guest bedroom provided to her when someone tackled her down from behind. She felt strong hands pinning her wrists behind her while one of the attacker's knees was pressing on her lower back, making her unable to defend herself.

An unknown voice, though deep and definitely male, asked in a harsh whisper: "Who are you and what are you doing here?!"

She looked around as she struggled to throw off her assailant. She would not answer any questions from someone who had her pinned to the ground.

"Quién eres y por qué estás aquí?!", asked the same male voice, more heavily this time.

Not knowing Spanish, she could only assume he had asked the same question; her lack of response must have lead him to assume she did not know English.

Then she felt something cold pressed to her neck and she ceased all movement knowing full well what such a thing meant. He had a blade to her throat. One wrong move and the floor would be plus several large spots of crimson.

"Damn it!", was the first thought that came to Carolina's she was a little worried. She couldn't see the face of her attacker and she was in a vulnerable position.

It seemed that her chance of escaping was becoming slim within seconds.

But soon both hers and her attacker's attention were drawn by a loud female's voice that said: "Sam, what are you doing?!".

Carolina, sensing that her attacker let down his guard, if even just a little bit, pulled one of her arms from his grasp. She turned around as much as her current position allowed her and elbowed him în the chest, taking him by surprise while also making him drop his knife to the floor. Then she grabbed him by his collar while tucking her legs to her chest with her feet propped against his chest and flipped him over. She rolled over and sprang forth to get on top of him in one swift move, pinning one of his wrists with her knee while the other wrist was pinned by her hand on his chest, above his heart.

Her hair fell from her back to either side of the man's head, blocking Megan's view, like a curtain.

"You know, I gotta hand it to you, big guy: not many catch me by surprise. But for the record? Don't ever do that again.", she said in a threatening voice, her face almost touching his, without her even realizing it.

Both of them were so focused on looking at each other, that neither of them heard two pairs of small feet climbing the stairs, until both of Megan's children said at the same time, with enthusiasm in their voice:"Aunt Carol and Uncle Sam are kissing!".


	4. Thoughts and reflections

**Disclaimer: Red vs Blue is the property and creation of Rooster Teeth, while Halo games are the property and creation of Bungie, 343 Industries, Ensemble Studios and Creative Assembly. I own none of the characters and places mentioned in this story.**

* * *

 **Special thanks to my beta-reader** **AgentMaryland93 from FF** **for beta-reading this chapter for me.**

* * *

The sun fell over the horizon, another eventful day on Chorus was coming to an end as mercenaries were teeming through the base, preparing for the next mission they would be sent on. Orders from Command had a habit of coming in at various times. Despite how busily they moved and how in a rush they were to be somewhere, they made sure to stay out of the way of one soldier in particular.

* * *

This lone warrior clad in steel black and sage green armor stared ever silent off into the sunset. His form still as a statue as he pondered on events that had recently passed.

Flashbacks:  
 _Both of the combatants seemed to realize the compromising position they were in. Face dusting a deep red, Carol got up off the floor and dusted herself off to hide her embarrassment._

 _As he got up, he couldn't help but take in her form. Lithe and packed with lean muscle, flexible, likely fast on her feet in a fight. Her skin was pale, a stark contrast to his darker skin tone; everything about her was his polar opposite visually. From her vibrant green eyes to her fiery red hair. She was what his past self would have considered attractive no doubt, but who was she? Why did she look and seem ready to fight? Was she a soldier at some point?_

 _He was so busy wondering about this stranger, he barely registered when Megan was calling his name, after ushering the kids downstairs. That is, until a hand was suddenly in his face causing him to flinch and react, his own hand grabbing at her wrist in an attempt to pin her until he realized who it was. "Sorry, I was...thinking about something…" she didn't seem happy about this response._

 _"Don't apologize to me, apologize to our guest that you attacked". She gave him that look he was all too familiar with. He'd gotten that same look from his CO quite often in the past._

 _Eyes drifting to the stranger, he sighed before clearing his throat: "I am….sorry, for attacking you. I thought you were an intruder" . Normally he wouldn't apologize to anyone, but he'd learned his lesson long ago about upsetting Megan Wu._

 _She was not a woman you wanted to upset._

 _The strange woman took notice to the cold and uncaring tone of his voice, as though it were familiar._

 _"If I might ask, what are you doing here Miss…?" , green eyes narrowed at him as she turned to face him._

 _"Carol. My name, is Carol, and as to why I am here, I was invited by the Wu's" .Her tone was strong, like she feared nothing and faced the odds head on._

 _Any train of thought vanished as she spoke. She was familiar, he knew this...but as to how he felt he knew her he didn't know. It was like a surreal dream that he couldn't wake from._

 _He noticed the fire in her eyes and her posture, and he realized that she could be very dangerous. His early defeat at her hands confirmed that fact. She was definitely a soldier at some point in her life or was trained by someone for some reason._

 _He was speechless. He didn't know what to say to her or how to react. All that he could do was stare at her._

 _"What's the problem, big guy? Cat got your tongue?", Carol commented in a snarky manner._

 _As he struggled to come up with a reply he found himself saved by a well timed Felix intervention. Probably one of few times he'd ever thank the moron for rearing his head into his business._

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't realize there was a party going on up here ..." , Felix said as he turned to look at the newcomer, "... and who might you be? Can't say I've seen you around before...and trust me, I never forget a face" . There was an uneasiness in his voice. Locus and Felix shared one thing in common: new faces made them nervous._

 _"Apparently her name is Carol, the Wu's invited her into their home" ,Locus muttered indifferently as he made his way over to his partner, feeling strangely more comfortable in his psychotic "ally's" presence than this stranger._

 _"Hey, big guy, I can talk for myself", Carol replied, anger lacing her voice._  
 _Before another word could be uttered, Megan pushed herself between the two parties:"That's enough! All three of you, wash up and get downstairs for breakfast" . It took only her infamous death glare to get all three members moving._

 _Breakfast was quiet, the air full of tension as everyone ate. Carol was quick to finish and take her leave, giving a "thank you" to the Wu's before she was suddenly gone. Felix wouldn't stop talking about her for the rest of the day and even the trip back to Chorus he was unusually chatty...even for him. He was nervous, that much Locus knew. Felix was a talker, a people's person. He loved to talk, to hear his own voice...and this only progressively got worse when he was anxious. The two of them knew that Carol woman was not someone to cross. She had an air of mystery and danger about her._  
End of flashbacks

* * *

In the city of Armonia, a cyan soldier walked the back alleys of the winding city. Her mind was elsewhere as she took her stroll. She had taken the time to get away from everything. She had to, she couldn't stop thinking about that character from the Wu's…that Sam fellow.

She had a feeling about him, like she knew him from somewhere. His cold tone raised red flags in her head but she didn't know why. She had made it her mission to get out of that house and as far away from him as fast as possible...and yet...she didn't know why she should be so distant from him. He had attacked her, sure, but his reason was self defense for his friend. He had thought her someone meant to bring harm, so he was a friend of the family.

His tone had been cold and his personality had been distant, but other than that, he didn't seem that dangerous on the surface...maybe she was just paranoid. An easy assumption to fall back to. She was very paranoid these days what with all that had happened. But she couldn't deny his presence felt both as welcoming and as cold as her father when he refused to come to grips with his loss… He also reminded her of Maine both before and after Sigma. Ready to protect his friends on a whim...but dangerous and unpredictable like early metastability from Sigma...


End file.
